Are You At War?

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By Coach Lashawnda

Many people are at war.

They’re not battling their boss, the mate or their kids. They’re battling themselves.

They constantly fight themselves and everyone around them. These angry warriors rarely have anything positive to say. They’re always looking for the next fight. They are drawn into drama from gossiping to weighing in on other people’s problems.

Angry warriors say they want respect, love, and other good things. Yet, they’re unhappy, which blocks anything good from coming their way. Nothing positive can grow from a negative attitude.

I was once at war with myself. As a young adult I was very angry inside so I lashed out at others. Whether I was at work or in the club, I was always ready to physically fight or curse someone out at the drop of the dime.

I didn’t know how to deal with baggage from my childhood so I acted out as an adult. For example, my love life wasn’t as fulfilling as it could have been. In relationships, I was always quick-tempered and picking fights.

At times, I was selfish and didn’t care about other people’s feelings. My anger was my armor, and I wore it proudly. I thought I was showing the world how tough I was. I was trying to protect myself from ever being hurt again.

But I was also tired.

I finally threw in my white flag, and sought help from a therapist. Internal wars are losing battles – they prevent us from being happy. Here are some tips to cope with your internal war:

1. Be honest with yourself about how you are feeling. If you find yourself in a constant state of anger or aggression, ask yourself why? You need to be able to identify the root of the problem in order to deal with it.

2. Practice putting yourself in check. If you find yourself mostly thinking or expressing negative thoughts, then refocus your energy. Ask yourself: “Am I handling this situation by using positive energy?”

3. Recruit an accountability partner. Have a conversation with a friend or family member you can trust to hold you accountable. The person isn’t there to judge you and/or your behavior. He/she should help remind you of positive ways to help you deal when you are at war.

4. Seek professional help. Some at war issues can’t be solved on their own. Know your limits and when something isn’t working. Don’t be afraid to get the guidance you deserve to change your life.

–Keep it positive and Keep it moving

lashawndaheadshotLashawnda K. Becoats is a certified Life coach. She is a freelance columnist for the Charlotte Observer and has written for QCity Metro and Uptown Magazine. Email her at lbecoats@gmail.com. Follow her on facebook.com/lashawndabecoats and Twitter:@coachlashawnda

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