7 Tips To Get Along With Your Mother-In-Law
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3. Never criticize your mother-in-law, not even to your spouse. If you absolutely must criticize, try to phrase your complaint in a caring way, for example: “I know Nana is a great cook, but sometimes I wish she would say something positive about my cooking.” Or: “I think your mother wishes she were in charge of the decisions we make. She probably feels unneeded.”
Whenever possible, praise your mother-in-law for her kind actions, care of your children, and other good things that she does. The more you praise, the more she will want to earn your praise and appreciation. A very powerful technique is to enlist your own mother to help you do this. Ask your mother to mention to your mother-in-law that you said something appreciative about her. Secondhand praise is very powerful in building goodwill.
If the wife’s mother-in-law criticizes her looks, weight, etc., a good response is to say, “I usually focus on intellectual and personality development more than outside appearance, Mom. I want the kids to value their inner beauty more than their physical appearance.”
Create a plan of action, for example, “The next time Mom says, ‘Oh, what a mean Mommy you have,’ Tom (or Linda, whichever is her own child) will ask her to step into the bedroom and make it very clear that these actions will not be tolerated.” “If she does the same thing again, her child will ask her to leave the house.” Then, follow the plan! Very few interfering mothers-in-law will continue to interfere once they have been asked to leave by their own child!
Always back up your spouse in dealing with his/her parent, but don’t take over for him/her. Both men and women have trouble handling their own parents assertively (but not aggressively), but both have to step up to the plate when an annoying mother-in-law is involved. Always speak kindly, but firmly, and privately, to your own parent, when needed.
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