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Nelly and Ashanti’s revived romance has inspired the lover in us all. After a decade of dating, then a decade of separation, the pair decided to give it another chance. It’s proving to have been the right choice. Since reuniting a few years ago, their relationship has been promptly adorned with an engagement and pregnancy announcement. Their love shows us second chances can make all the difference. That begs the question: How do you know if you should rekindle an old flame?

Here are three things to consider if you’re contemplating whether or not to spin the block.

You’ve both grown and matured. 

Time apart affords you the opportunity to reflect on what you could have done better. Maybe you’ve become more patient or more disciplined. Perhaps you’ve gotten clearer on your goals and now know what you want out of life and a partner. Better yet, you’ve mastered the art of communication. Becoming a healed and holy version of yourself will allow you to recognize if your old flame has the potential to be a good match.

You’re able to have an honest conversation about why you broke up.

Animosity, misunderstandings, unspoken expectations, and unforgiveness hinder relationships – romantic or otherwise. Being able to reconcile your differences without having an argument is a good sign that success may be attainable a second time around. A new beginning always starts with an ending. End the thought of what should’ve, could’ve and would’ve been with what is the truth for right now.

You’re excited about another chance.

There is much truth behind the saying, “Right person, wrong time.” If the love is still there, it could lead to what you wanted all along. But first, be sure you like the person they are now. Don’t harp on what initially drew you to them or what they have the potential to be, this way you know you’re not settling.

SEE ALSO: 5 Green Flags In Relationships

On the other hand, you should not reenter a relationship with that person if …

You suffered abuse.

Abuse in any form – physical, verbal, mental, financial, spiritual, etc. – is never acceptable. Freeing yourself from an abusive relationship can be incredibly difficult. It is not recommended that one returns to a situation that is not safe.

Friends and family say so.

Having a personal Board of Directors to help make important decisions is beneficial. In fact, we love accountability. However, just because your friends and family love your once significant other doesn’t mean they deserve another chance. Only you know the true dynamics of the relationship and its effects on your life. Sometimes you have to make an executive decision and go with what you know is best for you, long term.

The connection is only physical.

Sex clouds judgment. We know this. If your goals, lifestyle, convictions, passions, tolerances, and beliefs don’t align, sex won’t help. Trying again simply for physical pleasure will not likely lead to long term success. True connection and intimacy is best created in deep conversation and quality time. Unmatched physical chemistry is a byproduct of this and a binder in a relationship, but it should not be the foundation.

How To Know If You Should ‘Spin the Block’ With An Ex  was originally published on