I have a confession. You may not like what I am about to say if you are young and impressionable, or if you have decided to ingest the copious amounts of Kool-aid that make all 20-something women strive for it “all” immediately after they have reached their junior year of college. Most women are thirsty for having everything line up perfectly at the same damn time. Sorry ladies, but I am here to tell you: it don’t work like that.
I can honestly reveal that I once drank the Kool-aid also. I only watched romantic comedies secretly praying for the same outcome, where the girl always gets the guy in the end and they live happily ever after. I also believed that I needed to buy a house and be married all by a certain age. And to add to that, I never in a million years thought I would not have my corner office to go with my 2.5 kids, husband, white picket fence and killer wardrobe as I am nearing 40-years-old.
Having it all is an illusion.
It is a hamster wheel of totally attainable goals, but unrealistic timing. Having it all is a joke, for so many reasons, but I will entertain you with my top four:
When You Don’t Have It Yet, Having It All Looks So Shiny:
HAAAAAAAA!!! Having a job, children, husband, social life and sanity requires a lot of multitasking, patience, sacrifice and prayer.
You Can Have It All, But It Takes All Your Energy:
I am convinced the only way women have it all is with hired help. You have to tend to your children, be loving to your husband, exercise and eat no carbs to maintain your pre-baby shape, schedule time with your girls before they totally write you off, cook dinner, clean the house and prepare for your early morning meetings. You will be tired, unless someone is getting paid to help you with some of that heavy load.
You Have “Help” Money?!:
But here is the gag, to pay for hired help, you have to work more. When you work more, you are away from your family more. When you are away from your family and your loved ones and are stuck smiling at Heather from Accounting at 10:00 pm, when you would prefer to be eating pizza with your children, you begin to question everything!
You Can Have It All, Just Not At The Same Time:
When I was employed and balling, my love life was non-existent. When my husband and I got together, I faced unemployment due to the recession. When I got engaged, I gained weight! When I had my daughter, my business picked up and I had less time to dedicate to it.
So here is my message to my young sisters out here. Having it all should not be defined by what you see in the media, on social media, in movies or even while walking in the park fawning over the lady pushing the stroller.
You have no idea what the next woman is going through to keep juggling everything whilst maintaining her sanity. Stop comparing your journey to someone else’s and stop thinking that life’s milestones are predicated and dependent on your age and where your girlfriends are at this moment in their lives. Having it all should be what gives you peace and purpose here on earth.
The Stars Of 'Women On Top'
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1. The Launch of "Women on Top"
"Women on Top" is the first project from our newly launched venture HB Studios. “Women on Top” features interviews and words of wisdom from our favorite celebs and personalities such as Soledad O’Brien, Lisa Leslie, Tia Mowry, Chrisette Michele, Beverly Johnson, Jody Watley, Jurnee Smollett, Anika Noni Rose and Eve." Scroll through this gallery for more information on our "Women On Top."
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2. Tia Mowry-Hardrict
Tia Mowry-Hardrict is one half of the world's most famous twins. From "Sister, Sister" to "The Game" and now the Nickelodeon hit "Instant Mom," Tia's built her career starring in roles that leave us feeling good. Not to mention, she's a proud mother to her 3 year-old son Cree and wife of fellow thespian Cory Hardrict.
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3. Soledad O'Brien
Soledad O'Brien is an inspiration for us all. The former CNN host worked her way up the ladder from an associate position as producer and news writer at WBZ-TV, in the beginning of her career, to the chairman of Starfish Media Group, a 360-media production company. The accomplished host has won awards for our outstanding coverage of the Hurricane Katrina disaster, BP oil spill and South Asian tsunami.
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4. Jody Watley
Jody Watley is the original members of the famous group Shalamar. After going solo, the Black pop star won a Grammy for "Best New Artist" and became of TV's most nominated females ever. In 2008, she was the received a Lifetime Achievement Award from Billboard magazine.
is a singer, songwriter and record producer.
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5. Lisa Leslie
Lisa Leslie made women's basketball the game is today. At 6'5", Lisa was the first woman to ever dunk in a WNBA game and, in the same year, became the first WNBA player to score over 3,000 total career points. Lisa is a 3-time WNBA MVP and has four gold medals. Since her stellar basketball career, Lisa now tends to her two children and husband.
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6. Beverly Johnson
Beverly Johnson became the first Black woman to cover Vogue magazine in 1974 and the first Black woman to cover French edition of Elle in 1975. The model, actress and businesswoman also starred in her own reality TV show "Beverly's Full House," on OWN. Beverly recently extended her brand into a hair line.
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7. Anika Noni Rose
This real life "Dream Girl" became the first African American princess in the 2009 film The Princess and the Frog. Her role in the Broadway revival of A Raisin in the Sun earned her a Tony nomination. While she didn't take the Tony home, she eventually won a Tony Award for her performance in the Broadway production of Caroline.
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8. Jurnee Smollett
We've literally watched Jurnee grow into the beautiful young woman she is today. Smollett made her big screen debut in "Eve's Bayou" proving her acting chops from an early age. Outside of a long list of films, Jurnee has been active in HIV/AIDS causes since she was eleven.
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Rapper Eve got her start as the pitbull in a skirt. She was known for her gritty rap lyrics and killer flow. After finding success in music, she ventured into acting and fashion. You remember her self-titled TV show and her woman scorned role in "Barbershop." Eve recently married her longtime boyfriend Maximillion Cooper.
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10. Chrisette Michelle
How many breakups has Chrisette Michelle's music brought you through? The rich hipster snagged a Grammy-award for Best Urban/Alternative Performance in 2009 for her song "Be OK." She can be found every Wednesday on "R&B Divas: LA."
Having It All Is The Greatest Joke Ever Told & Here’s Why was originally published on hellobeautiful.com