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I have a confession. You may not like what I am about to say if you are young and impressionable, or if you have decided to ingest the copious amounts of Kool-aid that make all 20-something women strive for it “all” immediately after they have reached their junior year of college. Most women are thirsty for having everything line up perfectly at the same damn time. Sorry ladies, but I am here to tell you: it don’t work like that.

MUST READ: Having It All: How Much Does Marriage & Family Affect Your Career?

I can honestly reveal that I once drank the Kool-aid also. I only watched romantic comedies secretly praying for the same outcome, where the girl always gets the guy in the end and they live happily ever after. I also believed that I needed to buy a house and be married all by a certain age. And to add to that, I never in a million years thought I would not have my corner office to go with my 2.5 kids, husband, white picket fence and killer wardrobe as I am nearing 40-years-old.

Having it all is an illusion.

It is a hamster wheel of totally attainable goals, but unrealistic timing. Having it all is a joke, for so many reasons, but I will entertain you with my top four:

When You Don’t Have It Yet, Having It All Looks So Shiny:

HAAAAAAAA!!! Having a job, children, husband, social life and sanity requires a lot of multitasking, patience, sacrifice and prayer.

You Can Have It All, But It Takes All Your Energy:

I am convinced the only way women have it all is with hired help. You have to tend to your children, be loving to your husband, exercise and eat no carbs to maintain your pre-baby shape, schedule time with your girls before they totally write you off, cook dinner, clean the house and prepare for your early morning meetings. You will be tired, unless someone is getting paid to help you with some of that heavy load.

You Have “Help” Money?!:

But here is the gag, to pay for hired help, you have to work more. When you work more, you are away from your family more. When you are away from your family and your loved ones and are stuck smiling at Heather from Accounting at 10:00 pm, when you would prefer to be eating pizza with your children, you begin to question everything!

You Can Have It All, Just Not At The Same Time:

When I was employed and balling, my love life was non-existent. When my husband and I got together, I faced unemployment due to the recession. When I got engaged, I gained weight! When I had my daughter, my business picked up and I had less time to dedicate to it.

So here is my message to my young sisters out here. Having it all should not be defined by what you see in the media, on social media, in movies or even while walking in the park fawning over the lady pushing the stroller.

You have no idea what the next woman is going through to keep juggling everything whilst maintaining her sanity. Stop comparing your journey to someone else’s and stop thinking that life’s milestones are predicated and dependent on your age and where your girlfriends are at this moment in their lives. Having it all should be what gives you peace and purpose here on earth.


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Having It All Is The Greatest Joke Ever Told & Here’s Why  was originally published on